Sometimes, we all need help

This past week, I had a medical event. It sent me to the ER and earned me a few days in the hospital.

For the last several months, I have not been feeling my best. In the previous month, I went to doctor’s appointments and tried to figure out what it could be. However, when things started to get bad last weekend, my brain went into denial.

I did not listen to my family or my doctors when my blood pressure was dropping dangerously low to go to the hospital. I didn’t want to be a “bother” or be “dramatic” by going. I thought I could fight it out, drink water, eat more salty foods, and manage the situation. What I did not see was the worry, pain, and torture I was putting my family through. Even to the point of telling poor Taylor, who was home alone with me the first night it happened, that she couldn’t call 911 unless I passed out. Cue the guy with the big red flag!

This feeling and a very low blood pressure lasted four days until Tuesday night. I promised my family I would go to the hospital in the morning. My excuses were long. I am fine; I made it through the last few days and am still here. I hate the ER at night. Just let me sleep, and I’ll be better in the morning.

As I lay down to bed, I said a childhood prayer. Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray The Lord my soul to keep, and if I die before I wake, I pray The Lord my soul to take. I was praying not to die, yet I was in denial that I could.

God had another idea. He intervened through the one thing I would listen to: my Apple watch. He can use anything for His good. It kept flashing that my heart rate was increasing. I tried five times to ignore it, wondering why it was telling me that when it was not set up for that alert. After the 5th time, I received a text from a dear family member saying, “We are praying for you.” I decided if the watch went off again, I would take my blood pressure one more time.

The EMT in me said that if your heart rate increases and your blood pressure decreases, that is called compensated shock. It means your body is trying to fight to stay alive, and it can only do that for so long before you decompensate, and then it’s game over.

I laid my head back down, checked the weather on my watch to change it up from the HR alerts, and shut my eyes. The watch went off for the sixth time, and I took my BP, 68/46. I had no choice, and I was too weak to fight. We all went off to the ER.

After a few days in the hospital, I am back home and stable, but my schedule is filled with doctor appointments, and my computer is filled with research on healing, medical questions, and test results. I would love a month of reading great books, not blood test results.

We are still not sure exactly what is going on with my body, and I have a very long road ahead of recovery and figuring it all out. But what I do know is my GP, cardiologist, and hematologist all told me that if I had gone to sleep Tuesday night, I would not be here to write this. I was trying not to bother anyone or go to the hospital yet again (I have had more than my fair share over the years), and I just wanted to go back to taking care of everyone else. While I was in the hospital, it took a great friend and a ton of courage for her to yell at me to make me realize the pain I was causing my family and friends by being so stubborn, but the unfathomable pain I could have caused if I had gone to sleep.

Please do not ignore yourself when you know something is not right or if your doctors are telling you to get preventative tests, take medication, or change your diet. Sometimes, your only job is to stay alive because that is the best gift you can give your loved ones and yourself.

So please forgive me if I don’t respond to all of your comments. Social media can get overwhelming, and I have not been on Facebook much. I am sorry I missed the vacation pictures, birthday wishes, and your virtual lives. Right now, I will heal, study, spend time IRL with family and friends, and take this opportunity to prioritize myself.

Please learn from my experience and put yourself first. I don’t usually do things for myself if I can do something for someone else instead. I am wired that way, and that is ok, but this time, it almost cost me my life.